Sunday, February 3, 2013
Animal Crackers by Elle Druskin
You’re fired. Manhattan workaholic Hayley Weaver is out of work, out of money and out of luck. Facing eviction, she grabs the first job offered, house-sitting movie star Paulette Stone’s New Jersey home. Hayley swore she’d never go back to Jersey but she’s hit rock bottom. The job sounds like a snap and the answer to her prayers. She should have known Jersey would throw a curve ball. Paulette neglected to mention her exotic menagerie and more critters than the Beverly Hillbillies in residence. Small town Jersey veterinarian Jake Marx is desperate to meet a woman he hasn’t known since kindergarten. Animal phobic Hayley has Jake on speed dial and the whole town is backing Hayley as their candidate to solve Jake’s love-starved life.
What can be worse than losing your job, home and boyfriend all in one day? You could get hit by a car. Check. Driven by a clown. Check. You could be animal-phobic and find yourself house-sitting at Neverland, where a foul-mouthed parrot calls you names in French, and a huge dog traps you in the bedroom. Triple-check. Day Two. You wake up with a raging hangover and a new haircut, courtesy of a playful chimp named Pansy and your own manicure scissors. And your best pearl earrings are gone. Not being familiar with baby chimps, it doesn’t occur to you they put everything in their mouths, just like human babies—until Pansy writhes in pain and you have to call that cute veterinarian. Yeah—the one who laughed at you when he rescued you from the bedroom last night. And then after he got the beast into the basement, he offered you wine on an empty stomach. Funny how he knew right where everything was in the bimbo starlet’s house. Not that it should matter. You’re outa here, as soon as you land a job back in Manhattan. Or so you think…
I love animals, so I would probably have scratched Henry (the huge dog) behind the ears, cuddled Pansy, and since I never took French I would have thought the foul-mouthed bird was quaint and not realized he was cussing. The hot vet would have been young enough to be my son, so I would more likely have schmoozed with his aunt and joined the local Stitch ’n’ Bitch club. But that’s me and Ms. Druskin would not have had a book if her house-sitter had been my age and loved animals, or if she had loved New Jersey for that matter. But Hayley doesn’t, and her struggles to survive Neverland East kept me laughing my derriere off, as I read the book. This is the first book in the Liberty Heights series. I can’t wait to see what that town gets up to next. Meanwhile, if you want a good laugh and a feel-good plot, check out Animal Crackers.
Length: 153 Pages
Buy Link: http://museituppublishing.com/bookstore2/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=422&category_id=44&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=1
You’ll notice I always include the publisher’s buy link. That’s because authors usually receive 40% of the book price from the publisher. Editors and cover artists usually receive about 5%. When you buy a book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble or another third-party vendor, they take a hefty cut and the author, editors and cover artists receive their cuts from what is left. So, if a book costs $5.99 at E-Book Publisher.com and you buy from there, the author will receive about $2.40. If you buy the book at Amazon, the author will receive about $0.83.
Downloading the file from your computer to your Kindle is as easy as transferring any file from your computer to a USB flash drive. Plug the USB end of your chord into a USB port on your computer and simply move the file from your “Downloads” box to your Kindle/Documents/Books directory. I actually download my books using “Save As” to a “Books” file I created on my computer that’s sorted by my publisher, friends, and books “to review,” and then transfer them to my Kindle from there. That way, if there’s a glitch with my Kindle, the books are on my computer. Your author will be happy you did when he/she sees his/her royalty statement.